


Confusion, Crushes and (a lack of) Chaos

by khanadee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Agender Character, Body Dysphoria, Character's Name Spelled as Bertholdt, Coming Out, Couch Cuddles, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cutesy, Dating, Dresses, Dysphoria, Fluff, Gen, Gender Issues, Genderqueer Character, Getting Together, Haha Annie's the third wheel, Kissing, Misgendering, Mutual Pining, Other, Teasing, Texting, Third Wheels, Trans Bertolt Hoover, accidental misgendering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 04:00:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8734108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khanadee/pseuds/khanadee
Summary: Bertholdt knew that Reiner knew they had a crush on him, and now it was borderline awkward. The two didn't really speak directly to each other unless others were around and they hadn't texted each other in nearly a week. And then there was the added stress that Bertholdt wasn't even out to anyone about being...not a guy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm drowning in fluff??? Please send an ambulance (and water)????????

This giant crush on their best friend was getting out of hand, Bertholdt decided. Everything was a giant mess now--both they and Reiner were rather awkwardly dancing around each other. They've been around the other but they hadn't sat down to talk about the elephant in the room.

Bertholdt knew that Reiner knew they had a crush on him. They'd let it slip out to Marco--someone they trusted--and somehow it got around to Reiner and now it was borderline awkward. They two didn't really speak directly to each other unless others were around and they hadn't texted each other in nearly a week. And then there was the added stress that Bertholdt wasn't even out to anyone about being...not a guy.

"Not a guy," Bertholdt mumbled to themselves and glanced out the window. It was raining lightly, though the sun was still out. Not male. It sounded strange to say out loud. But it was true.

Stretching and putting their book down, Bertholdt sighed. As much as they wanted to say something, it was much too nerve-wracking.

The rain was starting to stop and Bertholdt was bored. They stood up and wiped their sweaty palms on their sweatpants before shuffling over to the closet and quietly looking through the clothes inside.

"I...could probably wear a dress..." They mumbled softly, leaning to unhook one of the coat hangers that held a flowing, off-white dress (it went about knee-length) and dark gray tights. A few weeks back, when Marcel (who actually did know about the whole thing) had visited, the two went shopping. They'd both spotted the dress and Marcel insisted Bertholdt buy it after noticing the glances they were sending to the item.

When no one (er, Reiner or Annie or someone else stopping by) else was around (which wasn't too often, but still good enough), Bertholdt found themselves changing into it and parading around the small apartment, admiring how they looked.

Bertholdt gently set down the clothes on the bed and moved back to look at themselves in the mirror. Baggy gray sweatpants and a dark green sweatshirt. It wasn't very...appealing. Not all that attractive.

No wonder Reiner was avoiding them. How could he like someone so sweaty and tall and nervous and gross? The darker haired brunette sighed before shedding the sweatshirt and anxiously looking down at their pants.

It felt...really weird, having the genitals they did. Wrong, even. No genitals at all actually sounded pretty appealing.

Bertholdt pushed the thought from their head and let the sweatpants drop onto the floor. Carefully avoiding looking down at them-self, the college student unhooked the dress from the coat hanger and wiggled awkwardly into it. It was a little on the tight side under their arms--that was to be expected, really, for someone so tall--but still loose enough that their movement wasn't limited at all.

The tights were from the men's section--Marcel had bought them to let Bertholdt escape that thought. 

"Perhaps they're more like yoga pants," Bertholdt found them-self whispering to the empty room. "They look like it, at least..."

They quickly put on the yoga-sweat-tights--grimacing when having to look down to pull the dress out from the pants--before turning and looking into the mirror again.  
Silence filled the room as Bertholdt glanced over the reflection that stared back at them. They wiped down the end of the dress, as if brushing off dust. This look was much...better.

"I'm going to brave," they suddenly said firmly, breaking the silence. "I'm going to be brave and I'm going to go have lunch in this."

Before their mind caught up with them, Bertholdt grabbed their tennis shoes and pulled them on, before grabbing a small pack and jacket and sliding their phone, keys and wallet into the pack, rushing out of the apartment with the jacket in their arms.

Halfway down the street--the (mildly) _crowded_ street--it hit them and they panicked, quickly throwing the jacket on in an attempt to hide their chest. Maybe they could just pass as a female and not...whatever they were.

Bertholdt picked up their pace down the road, stopping in front of the door of a small cafe 'the gang' would meet up at. Opening the door and glancing around, they confirmed none of the others were here.

The cafe was actually nearly empty, so Bertholdt settled at one of the back tables toward the corner. Hopefully it wasn't very noticeable.

Upon pulling out their phone, the notification for a new text in a group chat.

Bertholdt clicked over to the chat--it was a new one, made by Annie. There was only one message so far--

"The three of us need to talk," it read. The small letters below reading 'seen be all' made Bertholdt start to sweat more. A message from Reiner quickly added to the anxiety.

"'About what?'" Bertholdt read to them-self, biting back a frown. Was Reiner just avoiding the situation or did he actually not realize what was going on...?

Setting the phone down to run a hand through their short, dark hair, Bertholdt sighed nervously. Picking up the phone again, they typed in a reply and hesitated on pressing send.

"Just send it," they whispered to them-self before closing their eyes and pressing send.

Bertholdt kept their eyes shut before slowly peaking at the messages. 'Yeah, we do,' they'd written, 'I'm at the cafe if you two are available.' The brunette groaned softly before standing up to order some tea.

Mina--a girl they knew from a class or two--was at the register and smiled when Bertholdt stepped up.

"Hello Bertholdt," She greeted, smiling up at them, "What would you like today?"

"Uh, the usual," Bertholdt replied back softly, shifting uncomfortably. Mina hadn't said anything about the dress yet. Did she notice? Or was she just being quiet? Was she upset about--

"Hey," Mina's voice brought them back to the present, "Here you go." She handed the drink over as Bertholdt stumbled to pull their wallet out.

"On the house," Mina quickly cut them off, "So long as you tell me where you got such a cute dress." She added with a wink.

Bertholdt's face flushed red and quickly blurted out a response. "My older brother and I went to KDQuarters when he was visiting last month."

Mina's face lit up--"That's so sweet of him!!" She giggled, "Do you think we could go shopping together with one of my friends sometime, Bertl? You have great taste." If their face could get any more red, then it did. They slowly nodded, gaze averted in embarrassment.

Mina finally shooed them away back the table ("You're holding up the line!" ...Of nobody else) and Bertholdt couldn't help but feel relieved. Why did social interactions have to be so hard?

Sitting down at the table, Annie and Reiner came back to their mind and Bertholdt fumbled to grab their phone from the bag again. Quickly tapping into the chat, they scrolled through the messages.

Annie: Alright, I can be there in about ten or so minutes  
Reiner: this blows :/  
Reiner: i'm hanging out w/Connie Jean and Sasha  
Annie: This is more important  
Annie: And we can't talk about this without you  
Reiner: whatever, i'll be there as soon as i can

Bertholdt sighed before setting the phone down on the table and taking a sip of the tea. Annie had sent the message...probably about ten minutes ago. She should be here any moment. Oh god, they were going to have to explain this twice, weren't they? Mina asking was hard enough, and she didn't even get an actual explanation. This was utterly terrifying.

Suddenly the chair next to them pulled out, and Annie sat down.

"We need to talk about what happened between you and Re--" Annie stopped talking.

'Oh, here it comes,' Bertholdt thought, holding their breath and hiding their face with their hands.

"Are you wearing a dress?"

Bertholdt glanced up through their hands and noticed Annie's nearly questioning gaze. They slowly nodded before biting their lips.

"...You look nice in it," She murmured, "Do you want to talk about it?" The brunette carefully looked up before nodding again.

"Are you trans?" Annie asked bluntly. A shake of the head and then a shrug -- 'no'.

"...Cross-dressing?" She tried again and earned another no. "Yeah, I thought not," she muttered to herself.

Bertholdt chewed on their bottom lip before shrugging. "I feel...blank about it. I don't like the thought of being...gendered, I guess?"

Annie was the one nodding this time. She reached over and and patted her friend's leg.

"I'd like it if you referred to me with neutral pronouns," Bertholdt whispered.

"Alright, I'll do my best with that," Annie responded and watched as Bertholdt took a sip of his tea. Silence settled between the two before Annie finally broke it.

"I can explain it to Reiner when he gets here."

Bertholdt looked up at her, eyes flooded with relief.

"Thank you," they whispered quietly and got the smallest of smiles in a response. The silence settled between them again.

It was a very nice, welcomed silence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aha I hope they're not too OOC ;;

Bertoldt nervously took another sip from their cup and then set it back down, playing with the hem of their dress absent-mindedly. 'I can't believe I wore this out here' they found them-self thinking, 'Though I really like it...'

Annie had gotten her own drink several minutes ago, bringing back a slip of paper from Mina that read 'you should try a lower cut and maybe dark blue', to which Bertholdt sputtered and blushed. What an embarrassing message...Bertholdt couldn't help but be excited about it.

Their phone on the table suddenly buzzed and both of the College students looked over to it. Bertholdt carefully picked it up and tapped over to the message, providing a summary of the message for Annie to hear.

"Reiner says he's on his way," they supplied, only getting a nod. Annie stood up and pushed in her chair behind her.

"We can wait for him outside and then go to your apartment," she supplied, earning a nod in reply.

"That sounds fine with me," Bertholdt mumbled, standing up as well and pushing their chair in. Mina waved goodbye as the two left the cafe, Annie nodding and Bertholdt giving a small smile.

The duo stood on the sidewalk, the taller of the two awkwardly shifting their weight from one foot to the other, chewing at the fingernails of their now empty hands.

Annie swatted their hands back--it was a bad habit Bertholdt had picked up when they were younger--and glared up at them, only getting more shifting in response. If Reiner had been hanging out with Connie, Jean and Sasha, he'd probably be at one of the three's houses or at a bar. If he were to walk over, it shouldn't take all that long--maybe 15 to 20 minutes.

Bertholdt didn't really want to think about Jean driving the group and everyone seeing how they were dressed, yet the thought remained front and center in their head. Now that would be nerve-wracking.

About 3 minutes later, both of them spotted Jean's car and Bertholdt frantically stepped back into the cafe so they wouldn't be seen, quietly hiding be the wall next to the door. Maybe a minute or two passed before they could hear Reiner's voice, speaking to Annie--

"I really don't want to mess it up," Reiner spoke, voice sounding tired.

"So that's why you started avoiding him?" Annie's voice sharply responded. A grunt sounded from one of the two--Bertholdt assumed Reiner. No words were spoken until Reiner breathed in and gave his response.

"Dammit, Annie, you know I like him..." Bertholdt froze at the words Reiner had spoken, biting their lip and trying to will them-self to step out an confront the blonds. A soft hum sounded, likely from Annie. She was probably hoping Bertholdt would step out. The two voices in the brunette's head were arguing with each other, full force.

'Just say something,' one end started, the other quickly responding with 'but you're wearing a dress'. Bertholdt internally groaned, quietly gasping in a breath.

'So? You look fucking awesome in it!'

'But what if he's lying??'

'Who lies to Annie, she can kick everyone's ass.'

That last one was a good point. Reiner wouldn't lie to Annie over something like that.

Annie's voice brought them back to their surroundings--"So what are you going to do about it?" Bertholdt could hear the loud sigh from Reiner even through the building. If he wasn't lying about it...

Bertholdt left their hiding spot and pushed the door open, staring down at the ground.

"Yeah," They mumbled--Reiner and Annie were obviously looking at them now--"What are you going to do about it?" Forcing them-self to look up, Bertholdt noted the small smile on Annie's face and shocked look from Reiner. Oh god, what were they doing...? This was a terrible, terrible mistake.

"Ber-Bertholdt," Reiner forced out, eyes wide open, "Did you hear...all of that?" His face looked like it was paling, yet his ears were getting red.

Bertholdt didn't was still before slowly nodding, grabbing at some of the fabric of their dress and nervously fidgeting.

Reiner ran a hand through his hair and closed his eyes, muttering something Bertholdt couldn't make out under his breath. Time felt like it had slowed down, every agonizing second of Reiner not saying anything.

The tallest of the three felt sick to their stomach, to the point they didn't notice Reiner march forward until the last second and his lips were on theirs.

Bertholdt made a shocked sound, eyes wide when Reiner leaned back and was practically panting from nerves.

"Hi," Reiner mumbled taking one of Bertholdt's hands in his own. His response from said person was a quiet repeat of 'hi'.

"I wanted to tell you, but I was really nervous," Reiner continued on, giving a small squeeze. His amber eyes closed for a few seconds before opening again and looking down to where his hand met Bertholdt's.

Bertholdt was scared--not the bad kind of scared, but still scared and anxious. Out of everything, this had been the least expected outcome...Although it was certainly the most desired.

Reiner licked his lips before adding a few words--"You look really cute today"--and wincing slightly when Bertholdt drew their hand away...

...Only to find his taller crush's arms wrapped around the back of his neck and kissing him again.

Annie snorted quietly as Reiner wrapped his arms around Bertholdt's waist to draw them closer, laughing breathily into the kiss. Well, that was certainly good. The only downside was it was attracting a bit of unwanted attention. Several people that were out walking were giving them mixed reactions--some teenager burst out smiling, while a mother turned her child away with a mildly upset look.

The shortest of the three coughed to draw her friends' attention back to her before nodding towards some of the people and Reiner awkwardly sputtering and stepping back as Bertholdt hid their face in their hands.

Both of the taller two stumbled over as Annie began to walk towards Bertholdt's apartment, about a block and a half away. Reiner nearly tripped as he jogged to keep up with her, Bertholdt picking up their pace to keep in line. It was hard to miss Reiner slipping his hand down and intertwining his finger's with Bertholdt's own.

The three made it back to the apartment with ease, settling down in the small living room Bertholdt had after discarding jackets, bags and shoes near the door.

Reiner sat down on the love seat and Annie on the small kitchenette counter, snorting when Reiner beckoned Bertholdt over to sit down next to him, only to press a kiss to the other's temple when they did.

"So," Reiner started, much more confident than before, "We're boyfriends now?"

Annie cut him off with a sharp 'no', both blonds noticing Bertholdt flinching at the wording. The taller blond looked from Bertholdt--who was now ducking away a little, eyes cast downward--to Annie, looking indifferent yet somehow annoyed.

Reiner's brows furrowed in confusion at this until Bertholdt, still looking away, took his hand in their own once more.

"I missed something, didn't I," Reiner trailed off, earning a nod from both of the others in the room.

Annie closed her eyes for a moment, thinking, before replying with what had happened.

"Bertholdt's having some gender identity issues," She started, noting Reiner's small nod and concerned face, "Something like Professor Hange, I suppose. A lack of a gender." Another nod.

The taller blond lightly squeezed Bertholdt's hand as his now...date-mate leaned back against him once more upon seeing that Reiner hadn't reacted badly.

"Alright," Reiner hummed, "Thank you for telling me." He glanced over Bertholdt's appearance once more before giving a grin.

"You really do look adorable," He spoke, chuckling when Bertholdt's face began to turn red. The blond leaned over to press a kiss to their temple and wrapping both his arms around them into a hug.

Bertholdt shifted so that they were facing their boyfriend before leaning back to lie down, taking Reiner down with them so that he was practically lying on top of the brunette. Neither of them really fit on the love seat--two sets of feet were hanging over the other side--yet it was the most comfortable Bertholdt had been in several months.

Reiner's grin grew as he snuggled into Bertholdt's grasp, kissing their neck lightly before lying down so his ear was against his taller date-mate's chest. Faster heartbeat than usual, likely from nervousness.

"I think you should wear dresses more often," Reiner finally spoke again, followed by a light thud.

Annie walked over only to sit on her friend's legs on the end of the love seat and grab the remote to turn on the small TV Bertholdt had. Reiner burst out laughing, turning his face into Bertholdt's chest to muffle himself as Bertholdt tried not to laugh themselves.

She rolled her eyes and smacked Reiner's leg as she switched through the channels before settling on the local news station. Nothing interesting was going on; something about dog adoptions, then a local elementary school teacher retiring. The shorter blonde rolled her eyes before leaning and lying against Reiner and pulling out her phone to take a picture.

A few seconds later both Bertholdt and Reiner's phones went off, the shorter of the two fumbling for his phone in his back pocket. A picture lit up the screen of Reiner lying on Bertholdt and then the text 'They finally got together' had just been posted by none other than Annie.

An an onslaught of texts followed at a pace Reiner couldn't keep up with. He leaned up to show Bertholdt the picture and then shifted so they could also see the phone.

Jean: No way  
Jean: you staged this, didn't you  
Connie: nnoooo annie u've gotta be pullin' our leg  
Sasha: I dunno guys, looks official to me  
Connie: mmehhh  
Jean: I hate to say it, but they're a little too dense to figure that out  
Annie: You're all losers.  
Reiner: I hope you all remembered that Bertl and I are in this chat too  
Marco: Oh dear...  
Eren: so they're not together? cuz a lot of you owe me some money now  
Jean: i didnt say anything i swear you guys are awesome  
Armin: What is going on in here, I'm trying to--oh!! Did Reiner and Bertholdt get together??  
Sasha: Maybe?  
Connie: no

Reiner let out a small laugh and looked over to Bertholdt, who gave an eye roll in response.

"Shall we shut them up?" He whispered, scooting up more and smiling when Bertholdt's arm's moved from his back up to his cheeks and brought him into a kiss. The blond leaned back after a second to switch over to his phone's camera and leaned back down to softly kiss his date-mate again and snap an awkwardly angled picture.

Behind them, Annie was quite obviously taking a picture or two as Reiner put his phone on top of the love seat to pepper his lover's face with kisses.

Bertholdt hummed and palmed at Reiner's cheeks again to guide him to kiss their lips instead, earning a small chuckle from them both.

"We've hardly been together an hour and I'm already the luckiest man alive," Reiner breathed, "You're so amazing and adorable."

The brunette's face began to get red and they covered their face from embarrassment. Their blond partner lightly kissed the backside of their hand and picked up the phone again to send the picture to the group chat.

Reiner: It's official guys  
[Reiner uploaded a picture]  
Jean: HOLY SHIT  
Eren: HOLY SHIT  
Armin: Congrats!!  
Connie: YYEAHHHH  
Marco: Aw yay!! It finally happened!  
Sasha: Called it  
[Annie uploaded a video]  
Annie: These two are disgusting.

Reiner laughed lightly and clicked on the video, watching in amusement as it showed the previous event of the blond kissing his date-mate, Bertholdt guiding him to their lips and then Reiner whispering something that wasn't audible.

Marco: Annie!! Respect their privacy!  
Sasha: So Bert tops? :P  
Marco: :/  
Reiner: We only just got together, I wouldn't know  
Eren: w aaiit a second  
Eren: Is Bert wearing a skirt??  
Connie: .......oh man, he is  
Sasha: So Bert tops AND cross dresses? I didn't realize he was so out there   
Armin: I'm sure there's an explanation  
Jean: First Bert and Reiner get together and now Bert's cross dressing  
Jean: the apocalypse is on it's way

Annie looked up to Reiner's small pout as he lay back down on Bertholdt's chest and nodded.

"Bertl," Reiner murmured, rubbing Bertholdt's arm, "Can I tell everyone about your gender identity?"

Bertholdt looked up, obviously very anxious.

"I...I think so," They replied quietly, "The right term would be 'agender'."

"Bertoldt," Annie's voice sounded, "How long have you been thinking about this?" The brunette closed their eyes and Reiner began typing a response.

"I acknowledged it about March," They spoke, getting a slightly shocked look from both blonds.

"That was almost a year ago," Reiner replied, face twisted in an upset look, "Were you too scared to tell us?" A silent nod.

"Bertl," He mumbled, setting his phone down to scoot up again and held his taller companion's cheeks, "You can trust us with this."

Bertholdt looked down, looking shameful and received a kiss from Reiner in an attempt to cheer them up.

"I think you're incredibly brave to tell us," Reiner added, earning a hopeful glance.

Annie nodded in agreement to Reiner's words before taking his phone to continue the message.

Armin: Jean, that's kinda rude  
Marco: I've gotta agree there.  
Eren: Well horse-face is always rude  
Jean: Shut up Eren  
Connie: Reiner and Bertholdt, sittin' in a tree  
Connie: K-I-S-S-I-N-G  
Sasha: omg haha  
Reiner: Bertholdt just came out to us recently  
Reiner: They would prefer we use they/them pronouns  
Sasha: o h  
Armin: I actually didn't expect that.  
Annie: The correct term would be Agender  
Jean: Ok, sure  
Marco: Thank you for telling us  
Marco: We'll try our best to use the correct pronouns, yeah??  
Connie: Welllll...  
Connie: lol just kidding, of course  
Bertholdt: Thanks, everyone...

Annie looked up to see Bertholdt setting their own phone down and wrapping their arms around Reiner (who had his own arms around Bertholdt's neck, holding him closer) and was lightly kissing Reiner's forehead with a very tired look.

She smirked to herself before standing up off of their legs and stretched. As the short blond turned of the TV, Reiner questioningly looked up at her.

"You two should go rest," She murmured and put on her shoes and grabbed her jacket. Reiner gave a slight nod and pushed himself up to standing.

Bertholdt looked up at the two, eyes glazed from sleepiness.

Annie gave a quiet 'see you later' before leaving as Reiner knelt down to pick up Bertholdt.

"Wassgoin' on?" The mumbled and got a small snicker in reply.

"Gonna go to bed," Reiner told them and making their way to Bertholdt's bedroom, carefully maneuvering in. The blond carefully set his date-mate down on their bed before collapsing next to them.

Bertholdt wiggled over and nuzzled into Reiner's neck, smiling softly when arms wrapped around them.

...The day really turned out surprisingly well.

**Author's Note:**

> KDQuarters, get it? Like JCPennys?


End file.
